Goodbye, forever

27. října 2017 v 19:00 | smartly |  Popeye už papal
Yes, these things happen. One day they are among us, and next day they are gone, forever. And we didn't even have the chance to say goodbye or give them one hug. Now we are really sad, there is so much we would like to do otherwise, if only we had one more chance to change everything. But we don't. It's too late. So many beautiful, sensitive and good people end their lives before they even had the chance to discover the beauty inside them. They died as outcasts: in shame, humiliation and self-hatred. Alone and dreamless. This just hurts. It hurts somewhere very very deep.

It hurts even more when it is a friend whose death was completely premature, useless and avoidable and... fuck, so much could be different if they just didn't DIE...

I feel rage and contempt when I encounter these emo kids who almost glorify self-harm or suicide as if it was cool, darkly beautiful or even somehow fucking romantic. There is nothing beautiful about suicide. Nothing. Suicide is a horror and horror only. It is ugly, sad and often a real mess too. When you are staring Death right into the eyes, all you feel is loneliness. Terrible, unimaginable loneliness. You feel infinitely small, powerless and deserted. Deserted by all and everyone, even God himself. When you are face-to-face Death, you are on your own.

But I don't flame these emo kids. The probability that criticism is met with self-reflection in humans is equal to the probability of Kim Jong Un winning a Nobel Peace Prize. Poeple need to learn by their own mistakes. Words are words - unless you experience it firsthand, they're dust.

But hey, I didn't know you were suffering that much!
If you cared, you would.

Now don't blame yourself if you are the one caught by surprise. You are like you are. Not all people can be deep. I am sure you did a lot of goodness in your own ""social bubble". I just want you to understand. For some people, having to put you a huge poster right in front of your eyes is not an option. These people suffer alone, unnoticed, and after some time, unnoticable.

There are, however, some rules, that could really help every lone soul out there, if they only knew about them. Let's call them The Code of Suicide. I had to develop it all by myself, so maybe it already exists somewhere in the psychologists' books.

What are the rules? First of all, don't overdose. Pills are the seemingly easiest way, but honestly, it's not only the most dangerous way (of a terrible failure) to die but also the most pathetic one. Really, are you even serious about it? Because suicide should be a very serious, very rational and very well deliberated decision. Some chaotic emotions can not play a role in it. No fucking way!

If you are going to die, then do it the proper way! Go out at night, alone, walk 16 kilometers, climb the abbyss, reach the top, and from there, 140 metres above the ground, bend down and look into the eye of darkness, whose bottom can't be seen. You only hear the low and steady hum of depth. You then take a stone and throw it into the abbyss. You count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelwe. Thirteen. Fourteen. Distant "thump". You will be falling fourteen seconds. That is an infinity. Are you ready for it?

Jumping is, of course, just one possibility. You can as well tie stones to your legs and throw yourself out from a boat. The important thing is, that you need to be fully aware of the horror of dying, when you are going to do it. Your body needs to be fully aware of it. And you are going to have to overcome it, which you will only if you are really really serious about it. Because the body will protest. A LOT.
Pills are not the way. Pills are cheating.

Now, if you are completely and irrevocably set to do it, and nothing can change your fate, you still don't do it immediately. Life has some strange ways of unfolding itself, and no human is capable of 100% certain conclusions. If you are devoid of all hope, you still need to be strong enough to endure a "pre-suicide" period. Let's say six months from the serious decision to kill yourself. This is extremely important to honor, because it prevents you from any emotionally based "I-cannot-take-it-anymore" types of decision. Freak-outs. It will probably feel like an unbearably long time, and nothing will probably change during this time, but still, you have to honor it and you have to honestly try during this period.
As a small bonus, it will give you the consolation, that at least you did not die as a complete weakling.

So, here is the Code.

Sometimes I have a feeling that people who kill themselves are those who wanted to live the most. Don't you think these two things are somehow connected? The sheer power of desire and suicide?

. thanks to Zedcreations for a beautiful free stock picture


1 Hrobárova Dcéra Hrobárova Dcéra | Web | 27. října 2017 v 19:11 | Reagovat

What the fuck??? 😱

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